Jeffro sent me this link. In my non-freak-out-freak-out that’s ongoing, I’ve decided to waste some energy hating on this. IMHO, this embodies the worst of the worst of what’s wrong with weddings today. A simple list of what pisses me off:

• 4-for-2 breast implant deal. Do you really want surgery–however routine–on a deal basis? That’s so Dr. Nick Riviera.
• Giving a “gift” of body modification (botox, implants, etc.–not piercings or tattoos, which I find much less offensive), when really it’s a test of how “loyal” your friend is.
• Demanding a tan so that two of your friends opt out of the wedding because they are claustrophobic and probably wrecking the friendship forever.

All of this boils down to one. Fucking. Day. The botox won’t last, you might be giving your friends future medical problems, and in the end, all you got is a stack of photos that don’t look like you or your friends. Fucked! Totally!! Fucked!!

Recently, people (including store dude from the post below, and my hair dresser, and various sundry others) seem to get *so* confused about me not having bridesmaids. Like, they can dig the sort-of-elopment, the not-white-dress, the party back east later on….but people cannot wrap their heads around not having bridesmaids. And it’s not that I’m militantly against bridesmaids for all women having weddings past, present and future. But why is that label so important and yet so loathed at the same time (as in, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” or “ugly bridesmaid dresses”)? Because this article in particular, and some really horrible stories from a friend’s recent trip to a shower weekend for another friend’s wedding, strengthen my argument that this stuff just encourages the Queen Bee/Mean Girls model of women interacting with other women. Only it’s one thing when you’re 14; quite another when you’re 35. More and more it’s seen as expected, even acceptable, that women behave like this in groups. GROWN WOMEN. What are you teaching your daughters?

I hate the competitiveness and self-loathing and meanness that some of these wedding traditions foster, which is why I’m having none of it.

Even without labeling my friends as bridesmaids, I had a badass Saturday night out with my girlfriends in D.C. to celebrate that included cupcakes with doinks on them, a lot of Prosecco, some gawking at drunk people engaged in sexual acts on a dance floor, and NO DRAMA. I think that’s made me the happiest of all in terms of wedding prep–that, while I have friends in disparate circles, many of them came together and even as a group they rock. (Yes, all of you!)

I love entering a “new” stage in my life knowing that my friends, like me, have all grown and changed into the people we all knew we could be–and better–even when some of us were particularly terrible 22-year-olds.  And by “some of us”, I mean “me.”